


Unexpected

by Del12



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 22:47:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5309921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Del12/pseuds/Del12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas wonders if Cullen deserves the Inquisitor, but he ends up more than satisfied with what he finds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

It had been a few weeks of Solas watching Cullen from afar in the Fade. His attraction to the Inquisitor Lavellan would not cease and as her companionship with the Commander began to give hints of more than just platonic intentions, Solas at least wanted to make sure the Commander was a good man. He wanted to make sure he wasn't still addicted - susceptible to being a crazed lyrium monster. And so every night - or rather when Cullen would take the time to rest - Solas would visit him in his dreams watching his memories.

At first, he did not interfere with the Commander's inner demons. He merely watched the blonde man fight helplessly against his inner thoughts. Perhaps it was a sadistic part of the elf and out of jealousy that he had captured the Inquisitor's heart all the while Solas had to hide his feelings for the young elven girl. 

He would watch as they would walk closely alongside one another in the gardens. Though they previously shared a kiss in the Fade, Solas made it clear that anything beyond friendship was out of the question between himself and the Inquisitor.

> "Ah... I see... I did not expect such a blunt answer, hahren." She said bittersweetly. Her eyes were filled with sorrow - heartbroken. Solas looked away at the sight, filled with guilt at the pain he caused a girl he was beginning to really love. They promised to remain friends, but that was becoming harder and harder for him to maintain. Every moment they spent with one another in his study he fell deeper and deeper in love. 
> 
> Every so often, as she would turn the pages in the book they were reading, her wrist would lightly touch his lap - and every time that happened he would tense up. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms and whisk her away and start a family. But these were thoughts he could never act on. 

In recent weeks, he noticed her visits were shorter and less frequent. 

> "Oh, well I've been trying to learn some field strategies with the Commander... I think it would be quite helpful for our missions. You don't mind do you, Solas? We'll pick up on our studies in a few weeks, I swear." Lavellan smiled sweetly to Solas. He noticed a difference in her eyes. She was purposely distancing herself from him and perhaps it was for the better. He nodded in acknowledgement and feigned indifference to the matter. When she turned away, he thought he could feel her standing in the doorway for just a few more moments before closing the door behind her. 
> 
> He found himself stalking Lavellan in the courtyards and in the shadows. He saw the look in her eyes as she stared into the Commander's honeyed eyes. It hurt him.
> 
> It hurt him so much to see them share their requited love for one another. He could never have that - he could never allow himself that luxury, but oh how he desired it more than anyone.

Here he was now... watching the Commander fight off his demons in his dreams. 

"Away with you!" Cullen shouted at the darkened shadows of Pride and Lust that crept their way into his dreams. The elf was growing more fond of the ex-Templar after several trips into his dreams. He knew now that the Commander was a good man with a terrible past - much like how he was. From afar, Solas conjured some magic to deter to the demons away and pulled a good memory from the Commander's head. Because it was a random "good" memory, Solas was surprised to find himself in a tower.

He watched as Cullen relived his faint memories of monitoring the Circle Mages. He became more intrigued when Cullen let it slip that he had romantic feelings for the Hero of Ferelden. 

 _I did not take the Commander for fancying men. But perhaps it is due to the lack of women in the Templar order..._ Solas thought to himself as he watched Cullen ferociously pant at the memory of the Hero undressing for a Harrowing. To the apostate, he looked like a ravenous dog - hungry to attack the fresh piece of meat being presented to him. 

Instead of turning away at these more private moments, Solas stepped in closer, eager to see what would happen next. Cullen's own interpretation of the memory began to manifest. The Hero took off his clothing and laid on a stone, waiting for the Circle Mages. Cullen gripped his thigh at the sight as he watched from behind a pillar. He pulled his pants downward and up again at the sight of a sweating Warden Amell. 

The elf was invisible to Cullen and his dream's manifested persons as he stepped next to a younger version of Cullen. He would hear his small pants and groans.

"Maker, forgive me... Please forgive me."

Solas swallowed hard and began to pull himself back to consciousness, uncomfortable with where this was going next. His part was done here anyways - he pulled a "good" memory to help the Commander sleep another night without his inner demons. 

As he awoke, he found himself in an uncomfortable situation and could not stop thinking about the Commander's dirty secret.

"I suppose he's attracted to both sexes... Nothing unusual there. But what if... he still harbors feelings for the Warden... and he cannot rid himself of those feelings to fully be with Lavellan..." He was thinking of any excuse for the Commander to not be a good match for Lavellan even when it was so evident that they were indeed a good match. He sighed into his mug.

"Pleasant sleeping, Solas?" A voice called from behind him.

Solas turned around to find Cullen standing before him in nothing but a white blouse and black leather pants. Barefooted and with hair disheveled, Cullen approached the elf slowly but confidently.

"I've not been asleep for awhile, Commander. Is there something you needed?" Solas stood up with his arms behind his back as was his custom. His appearance in his rotunda at this hour was unusual, but the Commander was nothing but unusual to say the least and this did not worry the elf.

"How long would you have kept this up, had I not approached you?" Cullen smirked as he laid his hand upon the desk, cornering the elf in a manner. But Solas, as confident as ever merely chuckled with an eyebrow raised.

"I've not the faintest idea of what you speak of Cullen. Is this about my interactions with Lavellan?" He gathered the papers from underneath the palm of Cullen's hand, unaffected by the Commander's overtly aggressive attitude.

"I mean that you've been prying into my dreams at night."

Solas's eyes widened and he swallowed the lump in his throat hard. He'd been caught. But before he could respond, Cullen chuckled softly.

"It's been... quite exhilarating really." His stance softened and his disposition returned to his sweet lovesick self it usually was with the Inquisitor - but this time... it was directed to him.

He was unsure of what to say next. This was happening so differently than what he had thought. Anger, embarrassment, humiliation... Not curiosity and certainly not... Attraction? 

Solas gripped his other hand's wrist tighter behind his back trying not to give way of his discomfort. 

"I must admit... I... did not expect you to take it this way." He tried very hard to outwardly show his regular stoic self but inside he felt small. 

The Commander neared him slowly, pleased at the awkwardness Solas was feeling. A slight punishment for all the times Solas had made him red faced and little in conversations. 

"I'm far more intelligent than you give me credit for... Furthermore you should know that as a Templar, I've received training to detect when I'm being watched by mages from afar." He was mere inches from his face now. "... But I think you knew that, apostate."

He grinned downwards at the slightly shorter elf. Solas did not know what to do and even less what to say next. But something in him finally realized what Cullen was doing. He inched closer to the blonde confidently.

"Perhaps... I did."

Cullen licked his bottom lip and chuckled. Ah, so he knew his ruse. This wouldn't stop Cullen from trying to win their little game though. He dared leaning in just past Solas's chin and whispered into his ear.

"Then maybe you knew I liked being watched." 

His voice made the elf quiver. The memory of the blonde's pants and groans watching the Warden undress crept into his memory. His rugged gloved hands clutching his pant thigh. He would only imagine what lay underneath - what he ferociously stroked watching the other man.

Solas carefully opened his mouth, his lips brushing against the Commander's ear lightly. 

"And... perhaps I did."

Cullen let out a shallow shaky breath, then moved his hand onto the waist of the elf and pushed him downwards. The elf did not fight back, he was intrigued with what the Commander could be planning. His silver eyes met the other man's golden disks. One of his locks fell in front of his eyes and instead of pushing it away with his hands, he brushed his forehead up against the elf's forehead to push it away. His panting began to grow. The same panting Solas had recognized from his dreams.

Then, without another word, Cullen pushed himself upwards and gave a slight bow. 

"Perhaps you'll see me again tomorrow night, Solas. Goodnight."

With that, he walked back out the door and shut it softly. 

The whole experience left Solas still holding his breath. When the door closed, he slowly let go of of his breaths and chuckled.

"Interesting." He said to himself as he gathered his papers.


	2. What Becomes Of This Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen regains consciousness from a sleep walk escapade he had the other night.

Odd.

But not entirely unexpected. When Solas sees the Commander walk down the main hallway and pass him, he doesn't pay the slightest attention to Solas. Not even to greet him. Solas solemnly bows in his direction as he gathers a few things to eat from the breakfast spread on the tables in the hall.

He brings his lips to the mug he holds in his other hand and takes a sip of the warmed spiced fruit nectar.

"You seem well rested." A sing sing voice sung by none other than the Inquisitor Solas surmises.

"I've had better nights..." He says without looking at her directly. The memory of their passionate Fade kiss comes to mind and he avoids revealing this through his eyes. 

"Oh? And pray tell, what night was that, hahren?" She teases knowing all too well what it was in referral to. 

"Must you insist on that title, da'len?" He chuckles softly.

They share a good laugh before he guides her back to the rotunda to begin their studies. As they close the door, Varric enters the hallway ready to gorge himself fat with the breakfast spread on both tables. Before he can take a bite into a fluffy pastry, Cullen enters back slowly and looking from side to side.

"Is... Are the rest finished eating?" He says quietly to the dwarf. His stomach grumbles causing Varric to snicker.

"I think so? I heard the Inquisitorialness' voice before I came in... I think she and Chuckles are up to their boring routine of reading those ancient rocks."

"Ah... Quite good then." Cullen swipes a few pieces of bread and stuffs them into his pockets much like a homeless man would.

Varric finds this unusual but doesn't comment... He has better things to worry about. 

As Cullen slinks away back to his office, he tries to make sense on what happened the night before. 

_It had to have been a dream... There's no chance. Still... I can't risk looking at him and giving way of... Any sort of acquired attraction._

He shakes his head trying to rid it from his mind. He sinks into into his chair contemplating what to work on next.

Maps, strategies, missions and letters to send - these were all stacked upon his desk messily crying out to be read. He has read and reread each report at least twice before retaining any information. The majority of the day has been spent training his recruits. He trusts Cassandra enough not to bother her with check-ins but for the other warriors, he was not so sure. Blackwall was the first of his check ins, but the sun had already began sinking into the horizon. The check in was much more brief than his previous. Blackwall sat down on a wooden chair he carpentered. He was growing concerned by Cullen's brief questions and seemingly distracted behavior.

"Are you quite alright, Commander?" Blackwall gruffs out as he polishes his blade again. He can sense something was troubling the blonde man.

"I'm just tired. Thank you, Blackwall." He takes down a few notes on his note pad. 

> _Blackwall - Of good mind. No severe injuries from the last mission, but still rattled... everything else fine. Just fine._

The older man does not entirely believe him, but even he knows better not to inquire further. He knows the Commander is a private man and understood the sanctity of not imploring any further when it was so evident that that's what he wanted. Cullen checks off the remaining few notes off his sketchpad.

"You are ready for the next mission should the Inquisitor call upon you?" 

"Yes, of course." His ebony eyes narrows at the sight of Cullen's repetition... he has already answered that question just a few moment's ago. Cullen scribbles a few more notes, but even from where Blackwall is standing he can see he is merely tracing his previous written words. And so it was... Cullen retraces the word "rattled" more than any other word. He gives a curt nod to the Grey Warden and steps out. Blackwall watches his shadow disappear into the setting sun before returning to his carvings.

Cullen knew he was being obvious and perhaps some part of him wanted Blackwall to ask or... push him to answer what was really wrong with him, but he hadn't built that relationship yet with him and he knew if he turned to Cassandra she would only exacerbate things.

He makes his way into the tavern, hoping for a quicker check in with Iron Bull.  As he cracks open the door he can hear singing from Maryden and a few drunken Inquisition soldiers chanting along in melody. The room is warm and the smell of spiced meade is everywhere. He makes his way through the crowd without much traffic from others - they know not to delay the Commander.

"Commander! Have a sit! We're just recounting our last slaying." Iron Bull is clearly inebriated and Cullen thinks to just reserve his check in for a later date.

"Just quickly, I need to check in to see if you're ready and willing for the next mission should Lavellan call on you." Cullen does not sit down and instead stands next to Iron Bull hoping to prompt him to comply without resistance.

"Of course, of course! I'm in tip top shape for Boss." He drinks another gulp of the Qunari drink in his hand. Cullen catches a whiff of it and scrunches his nose in disgust. 

"Ah... perhaps another time then. You seem distracted." Cullen mumbles out as he puts away the pad into his armor.

"Am I? Perhaps I'm just mimicking you, Blondie." Iron Bull narrows his one eye to the now red faced Cullen. He's been caught. Of course the Bull would know something was off - he was a spy afterall. Before Iron Bull could reply with anything else, Cullen shuffles his way back to his office.

The Iron Bull laughs softly - because it just so happened that he had passed the rotunda down the hallway in the wee early hours of the night after coming back piss drunk from the bar.

> As silent as he can, he makes his way down the hall trying not to trip over himself. If he wakes Vivienne again, she'll really let him have it that morning.
> 
> _"Perhaps I did."_
> 
> He thinks he's heard Solas's salty voice just on the other side of the wall. What would he be doing up at this hour - he loves his sleep.
> 
> He shrugs it off thinking it's nothing but then hears another voice respond. He can't make it out clearly but he knows it's the Commander sounding - far more confident than he's even sounded in his life. This was intriguing... Intriguing enough to turn around and bring his imposing figure to the door just enough to see through the tiny slit from the door.
> 
> What he sees, he cannot believe.

* * *

His mind was elsewhere and he is afraid to doze off - the last time he did, he discovered Solas creeping into his mind. But then there was that memory he can't decipher if it really happened or not. He recallswaking from his bed and making his way down the ladder - and then the memory goes blank. The next thing he can remember was the smell of aged elfroot and mint inches away from his face and silver eyes piercing into him. They were not hers either. She had a kind look - this was not that look. 

He scratches his neck on instinct. 

_Perhaps a bath... That will clear my mind._

And so he gathers a few of his night clothing and makes his way to the bath house, eager to rid himself of the memory.

Elsewhere, on the other side of Skyhold, Solas contemplates whether or not he should search for the Commander in the Fade again. Clearly a part of him wants to due to curiosity as to what Cullen would show him next - but then he wonders if he WANTS to see what he has to share. But he's a man of good moral, he thinks to himself. At the very least he thinks he should drive the demons away.

He watches Lavellan in the corner of his rotunda sleep on his chaise chair. She is quite a beauty to him. Her ebony hair lays evenly on both her shoulders and her petite hands clutch onto a book she has spent reading the entire day - brushing up on Orlesian culture for the ball in a few months. If only he can tell her how much she means to him. How badly he truly wants to hold her every night and kiss away her fears, but he can't and won't lead her on a path of heartbreak.

 He sighs and makes his way for a turn about the castle. Then, because he remembers Dorian's rude off handed comment about his hygiene, Solas thinks it's time for a warm bath. Perhaps that will clear his mind.

He slips into the bath house that's still filled with steam. He assumes someone has just left the room due to the drippings on the floor. Good, he thinks... no one to make idle conversation with. Just to be sure however, he calls out.

"Hello?"

No one responds and he feels it safe enough to undress and relax for a few moments. As he sinks into the pool of warmed water he lays his head down on the ledge thinking about his obligations and responsibilities for the next few years. Her mark was getting faintly worse though she knew nothing about it and he daren't say anything to her.

The steam in the room blocked out anything close by but he felt movement and he shot up. 

"Hello?"

But still no response. Now he was beginning to feel uneasy and decided to remove himself after a quick scrub. He slowly picks up the sponge and moves it across his body and face, making sure to clean thoroughly - he wants no more comments from Dorian or Vivienne. A splash.

This time he gets up from the pool and uses a small spell to move the mist away from him to clear the his surroundings.

Without thinking, he steps out and walks towards the splash alongside the pool.

"Solas?" A voice calls out from behind him. Solas spins around to find the Commander with a towel around his waist - wide eyed.

"You're... Uh... Wet." He blushes turns away trying to avert his eyes.

"Yes well... I was in a bath... This IS the bath house, is it not?" Solas does not give way of his discomfort. In all honesty, he was very used to being seen nude in the earlier days. But he's realized that people of recent times have become prudish and almost ashamed of their bodies.

Cullen swallows hard at the sight of the dripping man. Every muscle glistens and clings onto his milky body. The elf pays no attention to the awestruck Commander. A part of him is quite flattered - but the other part is wary.

"I hadn't heard you come in. I thought I was alone. Apologies." Solas bows and passes the Commander to reach for his towel.

"You've..." Cullen begins but is unsure how to continue. Solas waits patiently for him to continue.

"You've been... visiting me in my dreams, I gather. I thought I felt you in my last..." He's not angry or confused, it seems as though he's just stating the obvious. The elf is a bit confused, however. Given their last meeting, he thought he made it clear that he quite enjoyed his visits.

"Commander, let me explain -" Solas begins to honestly tell him what his original intentions were and how he's surmised that Cullen was a good man for Lavellan though he hated to admit it, but Cullen approaches Solas carefully.

"No need. I... I thank you for ridding me of a few nightmares." He scratches his neck again, still uneasy at their proximity and current nude state.

Solas lightly bows and begins to make his exit, but the Commander stops him again by grabbing his wrist and pulling him inwards to his large body. His eyes stare into the elf's. He feels uneasy and isn't quite sure how to respond. 

"Cullen?"

Before he could say anything more, Cullen pushes his forehead to his and exhales slowly. The smaller elf is again at a loss for words but instead of embarrassing the Commander, he moves his head upwards so that their lips lightly touch. He doesn't know why he does it. A part of him is curious because despite living a very long life, he has never considered being with a man. It wasn't that he wasn't attracted to them. Solas knows who is "good looking" and who is not; it was moreso that he hadn't been attracted to the energy males gave off.

But Cullen is different. His energy is more gentle, more delicate - like the Inquisitor's energy. He is a man who had lived through so much and still tries to be a good person through his learned experiences.

So a part of him wanted to know... wanted to fantasize... what it would be like to have reciprocated love without risking hurting the Inquisitor's.

And it is only until Cullen vigorously kisses back that he realizes, he has made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, becoming way more interested in this!


	3. When Pushing Turns To Shoving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas unintentionally causes a rift between the Inquisitor and Cullen.

It had been a few weeks since the first time it happened.

But it wasn't the last. Certainly not the last. In fact, they'd made a point to catch each other in the hall or in the dark corners of the castle's cellars in the deep hours of the night. But Solas begins to worry slowly and steadily. Nights had made him a lover to a human and in the day he pined for the one he could not allow himself with. 

Solas pinches the bridge of his nose trying to decipher a few ancient texts he's been reading recently. In the background, he can hear Lavellan humming an elven tune as she traces her fingers across Tevinter texts Dorian has picked out for her. He appreciates the time she's spent with him. In recent weeks, she's spent more and more time with him only.

> "Ah... I suppose the Commander is still busy on a few errands... I suppose I'll have to catch him another time." She looks down onto her scribbled notes. Her mind is not at present and he can sense that she is in pain. Cullen has been avoiding her - probably out of guilt.
> 
> "At the very least, you can brush up on your Elvhen - you're pronunciation still needs work." Solas teases lightly and she makes a face in response with her tongue out.
> 
> "Oh wonderful, more hours spent with a pretentious old man." She laughs and he cannot help but laugh in unison.

The outer door opens and a recruit walks in with a message.

"Ser, I've news." He states shuffling out the parchment from the bag.

Lavellan hums in acknowledgement and straightens herself in the chair, ready to listen to bad news as ever.

"The Commander wishes to speak to you in an hour or so about it." He hands her the rolled up letter, salutes and walks back out the door.

She sinks into her chair lazily as she unravels the rolled letter. Solas watches as her hands delicately pull the ribbon that holds the letter in place.

 _Such soft hands._ He thinks to himself.

Her eyes soften when she reads the first few lines and after a few moments she lets out a giggle. A beautiful sound if he's ever heard one. It's not unlike him to pry into her personal life unsuspectingly, so he decides to get it out of her.

"Something amuses you, da'len?" His eyes are held to his own texts. He pretends to humor her.

But she is clever and she sees through his failed attempt at apathy.

"Oh wouldn't you like to know!" She teases cutely. Of course, she wouldn't know of their escapades, but Solas tenses up because a part of him panics. A tiny part of him wonders if he's told her - about them. It's paranoia he knows.

He presses his lips together and quirks his eyebrow upwards tensely. Lavellan thinks she's struck a cord with him at last.

 _Finally! Some emotion from this elf... Who'd have thought jealousy was the answer._ Her inner thoughts bounce around her head and she perks up with mock bravado.

But Solas has something else on his mind.

> Cullen's large body pushed Solas's smaller one against the white wall. He lets out a few more huffs as he sinks back into the elf's lips. Solas gives him what he wants but with no extra enthusiasm as before. He wants to gently break away knowing that this is a mistake. But Cullen doesn't sense this, instead he is intrigued by the elf's hesitation. Perhaps it's because he finally feels like the dominant one in a relationship.
> 
> His left knee pushes open Solas's right thigh and he grinds his quad against the elf's middle. Solas exchales loudly at this and deepens his kiss. 
> 
> _Well... I'm already invested in this. He's just desperate for physical contact from someone... At least it's from me and not... Her._
> 
> "I've not ever had a man before." He says suddenly.
> 
> Cullen chuckles at what he could be referring to.
> 
> "Man as in... male... Or human?" He barely lifts his lips from Solas's neck before continuing to suckle on his skin. The sensation leaves Solas frozen in place.
> 
> "Both... I suppose - Ah!" 
> 
> Solas begins to feel uneasy. Not only has he never been a submissive lover, but what he did next could determine the happiness of his love, the Inquisitor.
> 
> "Cullen, are you not... Seeing the girl?" 

His throat feels dry, but Lavellan smugly smiles at him before going back to her texts.

_What have I done? It's not enough that I'm continuing this flirtation with her - but I might have ruined her only chance to be happy with someone who deserves that love._

The elf senses an impending headache coming on and he rests his head on his palm as he sifts through the tome in front of him.

* * *

The Commander happily reads through the morning reports by his window sill. He's more content and at ease than he's ever been. But he's also slightly more paranoid about losing this momentary peace.

His time spent with Lavellan has become short at best. There is the deep knowing that what he is doing is wrong and that he might be no better than Iron Bull with the way he treats women.

But he thinks now is the time to confront her and perhaps tell her why he's been brief - he doesn't want to lose her. It's selfish, he knows. But what future could he have with a male mage apostate elf? 

He bites down onto the tip of his quill. Suddenly, he hears a noise from below creak open.

"Hello?" He hears someone faintly calling from beneath.

"Ah, yes - please seat yourself." 

Hurriedly, he throws on his coat and boots. He doesn't make an effort to put on his armor this time, but this being an off day for his recruits, he doesn't feel the need to.

As he slides down his ladder, he can hear someone coughing from behind. 

"Commander. We must... speak about... certain matters." Solas holds himself upright and stiff. He will not be tempted.

"Certainly." Cullen cooly says and he approaches the elf. He leans his giant figure on his desk casually. Once he senses Solas's discomfort, he straightens himself and rubs his neck.

"You... were saying, Solas?"

"Our... tiffs... have been pleasant. But I wonder... and hope I am not causing any unnecessary tension between you and the Inquisitor. She's made it clear that she's not seen you since... well, for a while longer than she's used to. You should not see our escapades as long term. I advise you to... seek anything stable elsewhere." It was much harder to spit out than he thought. So hard in fact, that he could not look in Cullen's direction for long. After a few moments of silence, Cullen exhales loudly and chuckles sweetly.

"I understand. It's been... exciting while it's lasted." He rubs his neck once more.

"... You'll be meeting with the Inquisitor shortly, will you not?" Solas begins to blush unknowingly. Cullen's eyes light up when he sees this.

"Yes. I believe I owe her an apology for my scarce presence as of late..."

The two stay quiet for a few moments, both acknowledging what a mess they made of things.


	4. Innocence

Her conversation with the Commander is short... And painfully awkward. He does his best to hurry her out, she feels. But the Inquisitor is nothing but observant and she can sense that something doesn't add up. Solas had just walked out the door before she entered. Not even he looked her way.

"Well... Listen, Cullen... I... understand if you need some time alone to process everything... with the Inquisition needs. I am your friend first and foremost." She touches his hand. The difference in size is humorous to say the least. 

He remembers why he had fallen for her in the first place. His attraction to her was more than surface level. Her aura drew him in from the start and he thought she might be the only one who could save him from himself. But now he thinks there might be another who can do the same. 

She is pure to him. An image of untouched sacred beauty. Her emerald eyes meets his amber ones and he thinks in that moment he can feel the world through them.

"We should begin our... strategy training... in the courtyard when you get a chance." He stammers out nervously.

"Chess, Commander. You mean chess." She laughs heartily. There he was again. The same gentle goof. 

They finish up their check ins as professionally as they can with a laugh or two in-between.

Solas can hear their lighthearted conversation on the other side of the battlements. It's a bittersweet feeling. He's set the order back to its original course as it ought to be but silently damns it as well. 

He had unquestionable attention from two different people, both of whom were gorgeous in their own right. And not just superficially... Their minds were beautiful... Are beautiful.

It was late... And he figures she will not return to his study at this hour. He sighs and turns to walk toward Cole's room. Perhaps Compassion could ease his inner turmoil.

"Leaving so soon, Solas?" 

A rugged voice that was unquestionably distinguishable. 

"Shouldn't you be in the tavern with the rest of your comrades, Bull?" He smirks as he continues his way.

"Shouldn't you be beneath a certain Commander right around now?" The Bull shifts his weight on his legs seemingly pleased with the abrupt stop in Solas.

Solas turns to face him with an annoyed face.

"You've not mentioned this to -" 

"The Boss? No. Though, I'm not sure what's taking you two so long to invite her in. She'd have a hell of a time. Unless, you two are exclusive..." He raises his brow.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you know." Solas gazes upwards towards the stars. 

"How is the Chantry boy? Size wise." Iron Bull joins Solas by his side. The older elf scoffs.

"I've not pried into your sex life with Dorian. Do not pry into mine. And regardless... It is done." 

Iron Bull senses something deeper troubling the apostate.

Solas closes his eyes and recaps a time they'd almost been caught.

> "Faster?" Cullen quietly asks as he thrusts behind the leaner elf. A part of Solas finds his consideration rather innocent and he becomes fond of it from time to time. But in the heat of the moment, he just wants the Commander to take control.
> 
> He grunts to confirm. 
> 
> They try to be as quiet as possible, but with Solas's chest against the book shelf, a few books fall to the ground with the repeated pounds.
> 
> He feels the Commander's lips on his back and neck. 
> 
> "I'm going to..." He squeals out. 
> 
> "Hello?" A voice calls from outside the doors and the two men still for a moment, but Cullen has ready started his climax. When Solas turns over, he finishes on his stomach. It takes the both by surprise and Cullen exhales shakily.
> 
> Solas is a bit annoyed but hurriedly pulls his pants up and throws his sweater over his head.
> 
> "Hello there?" The voice is closer and... Recognizable. The Antivan.
> 
> "Y-yes... I'm coming!" Cullen calls out as he hastily puts on his boots.
> 
> "I believe you already have..." Solas whispers as he pulls his sweater on. Cullen chuckles and runs out the library to find Josephine a mere yard away from him.
> 
> "Oh! Commander, I do apologize. I didn't hear you earlier. I thought I heard a racket down here." She tries to look behind his shoulder but he blocks it at every chance. 
> 
> "I just needed some alone time. I'll try to keep my training quieter next time." 
> 
> Josephine notices that he's out of breathe and sweaty and snickers.
> 
> "Be careful not to tire yourself out, Cullen... We do need your expertise." She shuffled away still laughing at his appearance. 

Iron Bull cracks a smile, still unconvinced.

"Well, if the Boss isn't getting it from either of you, maybe I can get in on some action." 

Solas scowls in response, more than annoyed.

"As if she'd ever fall for a qunari..." He mutters.

"Hit a sore spot, eh?" 

Solas turns away. "Tch... I need to rest... A pleasure." He sourly walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	5. Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen realizes he's in love...

A few terribly eventful months had passed.

During their time at Adamant Fortress, they lost Hawke to Corypheus before banishing the Grey Wardens. It hits Varric the hardest, and although after a few days of mourning he begins to talk more - Lavellan could sense their relationship was not the same. As the dust begins to settle, Josephine and her staff members start prepping the Inquisition for a Winter Ball at Halamshiral.  

But their stint in the Fade has left her comrades on edge.

"I've... made a mess of things." Lavellan says suddenly which causes Solas to part his eyes from his painting. She lays down a trinket she was observing on her lap and deflates herself further into the chair.

"Do not concern yourself with the whisperings of ill informed inhabitants." He places his paintbrush down and wipes his hands on his apron.

"They aren't so ill informed if they were there, Solas." She turns her head inwardly towards the pillows. 

"Lethallan... You have done the best you've can. You've based your choices on wisdom and mortality. I support you wholeheartedly."

"You're always such a sweet talker." She sighs with eyes half open. It's late and though he knows she ought to head back to her room... He also knows he'd be sending her to the arms of another.

"You're free to rest here if need be..." A gentle push, he knows. He doesn't look at her directly and instead pretends to look at his sketches on the table. She begins to stretch her arms to her toes. Nightly stretches - a routine of hers which Solas finds adorable. 

"Oh, I oughtn't... Cullen will look for me if I don't say goodnight."

"I take it all is well with you two? I'm glad you can find a few moments of solace." He grimaces. _If only..._

Her eyes jot up to meet his. "Things are going well! There's a few issues we disagree on as you know. Him being an advisor and constantly overruled by strong women must do something to him internally, hahaha!" A sweet laugh, he thinks.

"Though, he's none too fond of mages and our alliance with them... In time I hope - Oh! I've an idea!" She practically skips towards him suddenly.

"You should spend some time with him, Solas."

His heart skips a beat.

"I think the two of you would get along quite well. He's come a long way from whom he's used to be I'm told... But there's still that hesitation - a fear if you will. Being able to see mages as something more than 'tolerable' and giving some perspective from another might help him to see otherwise. Dorian and Vivienne, I fear, will only strengthen his hesitation."

She looks up to the balcony and then leans into his ear softly. "Especially when Dorian cheats at chess all the time..."

He chuckles nervously and pats her head mockingly.

"Off to bed with you."

Lavellan shakes her head playfully. She yawns innocently and stretches out her arms once again above her head. As she slowly makes her way out the door, she turns around once more and waits by the doorway for a few seconds. He doesn't look up to see her, and pretends to continue painting. As she makes her final exit, he softly exhales. 

_If only..._

* * *

"Knock, knock!" She chirps as she slowly creaks open the heavy wooden door.

"There you are." Cullen says tiredly. He slowly picks himself from up his stool and greets her at the door. "You know I can't sleep knowing you're still up. You do so much on the field as is." 

"But when I'm here I rarely have a moment's rest with you as you're too busy reading reports and buffing those soldiers..." She pouts dramatically.

With all that had happened to their team in the last few months, Cullen had done well to conceal his history with Solas. They rarely met each other in the hall and when they did it was nothing but cordial - if not robotic. But Lavellan had never seen them interact much before and she did not think it unusual. 

"Say... can I have a favor to ask you?"

Cullen smirks playfully thinking something else entirely.

"That can be arranged."

"Good! I'd like you to come with me to Val Royeaux for a few things." She coyfully says as she flips through a report, losing his place.

"Orlais? Ugh..." He regrets ever agreeing to the arrangement suddenly. He recalls that anytime she leaves to Val Royeaux she brings Vivienne - of whom he's not agreeable with - and... Solas. Now he feels a little bit uneasy and he's almost scared to ask, but he does.

"And... pray tell... who will be joining us on this  _cultural_ experience?" He holds his breath for a few moments.

"Vivienne, Dorian and Sol -" 

He abruptly starts to cough.

" - as..." 

"Ah... ha - you know... I think it may not be such a good... idea. I just remembered that I've been meaning to oversea our new recruits in Crestwood. The more soldiers the stronger our forces are and -"

"Oh... so it's true then..." Lavellan says sadly as she picks herself up from his desk. 

He feels his heart slowly beat but to the likeness of a gong each time.

"What... is true?" 

When she doesn't answer immediately he grows louder.

"What's true?!"

"You truly don't feel comfortable around mages... " And her expression is genuinely disappointed and almost disgusted. The reaction leaves him more ashamed than if she would've revealed his secret. 

"That's not it... It's just..." He whips around feeling defeated as ever. Should he tell her? 

"I'll go..." He whispers. "I do this for you, lovely." The endearment catches her offguard but it makes her blush a deep shade of red. 

"Oh... Well..." Quickly, she runs over to give him a peck on the lip. She quickly fiddles with her hair and before he can respond, she's out the door.

"Maker..." He rubbed his neck and decided it was time to get some rest. This time in the day used to be bearable before Adamant... At that time, he knew someone else would be watching him and protecting him from the beasts in the night. But there would be no savior for him tonight. He'd have to fight on his own.

_But I can't. I'm being driven mad with these thoughts. When she's here with me, I can rest peacefully. I need to be a stronger man for her. I will not give in._

He braces himself for another battle. One without swords.

 

* * *

_A few days later._

"Rise and shine, poppet!" Dorian's mischevious face is the first thing she sees as she awakens. 

"Creators! Dorian! You can't just pop up from underneath my sheets like that and... come to think of it - how in Thedas did you get in here and  -" Lavellan scrambles out of bed trying to collect her thoughts. Her attention is drawn to what appears to be a blackmailed Cole uncomfortably standing in the corner of her room looking the other way.

"Cole! Did you... how... - "

"Oh, don't blame the lad. He's the only one who can get through these doors without a key. I've just come to wake you and pester you of course."

"You want to know about Cullen.  _Why not bring Iron Bull for me to have fun?"_ Cole mutters out as he reads Dorian's mind. Dorian turns three shades darker than he was and scoffs. 

"Didn't I tell you, 'Don't say any'thing?'" 

Lavellan chirps out a high pitched giggle. "Silly boys. Oh damn - I've not packed anything and it looks like the sun is beyond the peak I wanted it to be at by the time we've left. That'll teach me to fall for Varric's wicked grace game." She picks herself from up the bed and saunters over to her empty bag that is thrown across the floor. For a few seconds she stands thinking as to what to bring. Cole begins to take a few items of clothing from her closet to hand to her - he knows what she wants to bring already. 

"I've got to say, Cole. You're far more helpful than the other spirits we have at home." 

Cole frowns but does not have anything to say - a silent plea from Lavellan who wishes not to have a headache before noon. 

"So, let's recap: You - check. Cole - check. A very interesting replacement for Madame de Fer while she's out at Emprise, by the way... Me - Double check, as I'm far more fashionably dressed than the two of you and far more prepared I might add. Cullen - has been up earlier than I and left this morning..."

The Elvhen women turns around, though not surprised by what she hears, she does look disappointed. "He's left already? Why... is that?" The Tevinter merely shrugs as he bites into an apple he'd been holding. 

"I'm sure he probably just wants to get there before dusk tomorrow so that he can slip into our guest houses undetected. Those Orlesian women can't keep their hands off him."

Lavellan nods. It makes sense. He rarely traveled with the other advisors during travels; he'd prefer to take his own carriage to destinations. 

"And then there's that apostate hobo. He's downstairs waiting for us as well. I'll tell you something though - he's none too happy to hear that our Commander is joining us on this journey." 

Lavellan furrows her eyebrows and smiles confusedly. "Why would he be upset? He knows of my relationship with Cullen."

"Oh please, don't pretend to tell me you don't notice his sweet eyes on you. My guess is he's just a lone wolf. He didn't know how to respond to your advances and instead of dealing with it like a normal person ought to, he did what any normal person ACTUALLY does: push them away. And he's albeit sour with himself to see you swooped up by none other than the Prince of Skyhold himself. The Knight in Shining Armor. The Lion of Ferelden. The -"

"I get it, Dorian." Her expression turns sober and she begins to piece bits and pieces of their previous conversations. Perhaps there was some residual feelings for her left, but he had made it so clear that he couldn't pursue anything long term. At first, she'd assume that he would join his clan, but upon investigating further that he was not a bitter Dalish nor part of an alienage, she'd realize she knew very little of her apostate friend. 

"Curious." She whispers to herself. 

* * *

 

"Madam Inquisitor, so honored to see you." Says a tall, very thin Orlesian woman. Her posture is as exaggerated as any other Orlesian mannequinned person. Lavellan is nothing but polite and continues to give her greetings to her host. They walk off chit chatting about trivialities it would appear. But Josephine has taught her well and she knows these airy conversation hold deeper meaning. In the plaza, her group had settled into a few tables at a nearby out door pub. But Dorian, having grown impatient with Cole's refusal to let go of his large hat, strikes a deal with him and takes him to look at other large hats to replace his. A few Inquisition soldiers stand but Solas stays behind and paces around the area looking at the shops casually. He spots a nice spot to view the oceanic horizon and decides to take a few moments to himself.

"It's a nice day..." A voice sounds behind him. It's him. He hadn't heard his voice directed his way in quite some time - and especially not alone.

"Indeed it is." Solas's gaze is still held to the waves before him. Cullen joins him to his side and admires the view as well.

"How long have you been here, Cullen?"

"Only a few moments - I swear!" Cullen responds impulsively. Solas chuckles and shakes his head.

"I mean in Val Royeaux. Did you beat us by a day or a few hours?"

Cullen stands straight and rubs his neck as he blushes.

"Oh - yes... Ah, a day. I arrived late last night - or I suppose early morning."

"Did you sleep well?"

A pause.

Solas is usually very perceptive and careful not to cause any awkward tension unless he so intends it - but he does not mean to this time. His eyes widen a bit and he coughs into his hand trying to break the silence. Cullen's surprised expression lasts only a few more seconds before he answers. The moment feels like an eternity to the both of them.

"I haven't slept well in awhile."

It hurts Solas to hear this. He doesn't like hearing or seeing anyone in pain and least of all not people he cares about. But he knows if he should interfere anymore it would only complicate matters. 

"I'm sorry to hear it, perhaps while you're here you can -"

"I've missed -" Cullen begins and brings his body near the elf.

"Boys!" Lavellan calls from above and behind them on a balcony, breaking the tension between the two. She looks at the two back and forth and smiles from where she stands.

"It's good to see the two of you getting along already! Come now - we've a few matters to discuss. Up this way!"

A strand of hair comes undone and falls over her left eye playfully. Her eyes are like the brightest jewels in Arlathan, Solas thinks. It's nostalgic to see such beauty on one of the People. 

"Yes, Inquisitor." Cullen says in a much more serious and deep tone than what he was previously using with Solas. He does a slight bow which causes Lavellan to laugh heartily.

"At ease, soldier." Her attention turns towards Solas and her smile softens just slightly - but he notices.

"Coming, lethallin?" 

He does not speak but merely smiles in acknowledgement and bows his head. The two men look at each other for a brief second before they make their way up the stairs, silently.


	6. The Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for having to switch the story from present tense to past tense... There's a good reason for that, I swear - however, I am a very amateur author so I understand if there's those among you who find it annoying.
> 
> Anyways, sorry for the long wait! Christmas and NYE... you know how it is.

There was nothing but want in his eyes and he tried very hard to ignore the piercing glare from across the room. No, not glare - a gaze. As if he was in awe of the man across the room. The silence weighed on them and the tension was as thick as his knitted sweater. Solas sat across from Cullen in the giant Orlesian dinner hall. It seemed too extravagant of a location for a simple check in meeting between them, but they didn't question her reasoning and in fact mutually agreed that there most likely hadn't been a reasoning for her decision. 

"Ahem..." The lithe elf hummed trying to break the silence. The sound caused the blonde man to snap into reality and he picked his head up from the column he leaned against. 

"It would seem the Inquisitor has been yet again pulled from her duties to -"

"Chat, yes. Such is... the way of Orlais. But if I've learned anything from her the last few months, it's that she's incredibly strategic. There's good reason for her to be late." Cullen smiled gently and his eyes held to the marble floor. He was thinking of her, Solas could tell. The soft curvature at the corner of his lips reminded him of the looks he had once given him. 

It was an odd feeling for Solas. He wasn't sure if it was relief or jealousy. And with jealousy he knew not whom to be jealous of. 

 _This is what you receive when you play with fire, Solas._ He inwardly berated himself with feeling anything at all. From across the room, a few servant elves shuffled their way in with plates and dinnerware. They quickly set up and left - almost in a huff. One servant trailed behind the others and as she left the room, she shot Solas a look. His agent was warning him. Solas feigned confusion when he saw Cullen's eyebrow perk up. 

"Rather rude." The Commander mumbled under his breath. The elf said nothing and instead continued to sip the hot lemon water in his mug. 

"There you boys are!" Lavellan came from one of the many back entrances with a few Orlesian nobles tailing her from behind. 

"Ladies, gentlemen - I'd like you to meet some of the representatives of the Inquisition. Without them - I'd be half the leader I am before you." She held her chin high. 

Solas stood from his seat and smiled at her entourage. Like a school of fish, they all mimicked each other's nods and polite gestures. They sat themselves around the Inquisitor as dinner began. The transition from upturned nosed individuals Solas previously experienced in Orlais left him slightly annoyed. Their formalities and ceramic smiles only served to frustrate him more. 

Noticing that no one had yet touched their food, he refrained from giving in to his hunger - and picking at the desserts.

As if previously coordinated, the nobility shot their heads downwards with their hands on both sides. In unison, they chanted their Orlesian prayer. Lavellan politely bowed her head but refrained from participating - such an action would shame her family and he knew this, too. 

The Commander, unsurprisingly, also bowed his head but under the sea of Orlesian whispers, Solas could hear his own common tongue prayer. Despite other instances in which he would have previously inwardly rolled his eyes, Solas found his action admirable. 

As they finished their words, Cullen looked up to meet the gaze of the elf across from him. Lavellan blushed slightly but looked away as if she hadn't seen the warmth in his smirk. 

"Now... then - quite good. Duke Gaspard unfortunately couldn't meet with us today. And, as it would have it, he has requested to speak with solely you, inquisitor. That is, in a few months of course. He'd left this morning without warning." A thin man with a bronze mask stated from the end of the table.

"Ah... I see." Lavellan was trying hard to fight the urge to scold the Orlesian nobility. They had dragged her across half of Val Royeaux with an implied promise to meet the Duke for more information on Empress Celene. 

"I don't mean to sound unappreciative of your hospitalities, but I believe there was thought in my coming to Val Royeaux to meet with the Duke himself." She kept her calm so elegantly - a bewitching quality to the two who pined over her from across the table. 

"And you have our sincerest apologies, Inquisitor, but at this time we haven't even a..."

The voice of the insincere noble began to fade as Solas's attention moved to the servant elf at the corner of the room. It was not his agent, but he could tell she served as an informant for another. It would seem that Cullen also made note of this as Solas began to notice the former Templar chew his food at a much slower pace than prior. A piece of lettuce hung from the Commander's lips unsuspectingly and the elf could feel himself tense as he focused his attention there. For a moment, he thought to reach over the table and remove it himself but he knew that would be inappropriate.

Cullen slowly dragged his glistening tongue across his bottom lip slowly to remove the piece of food. His golden eyes were still held to the Inquisitor's form until suddenly they met Solas's briefly.

 _Is he... tempting me?_  Unbeknownst to him, Solas had turned a darker shade of red. Cullen, whom would typically smile or chuckle to break awkward tensions, held his neutral gaze with the elf. It slowly shifted into a judgmental expression, Solas had thought.

* * *

 As the dining room party parted their ways with little to no room for imagination as to where they were headed (the cocktail room). They chatted amongst themselves about the fine wines the Antivan imports had brought them. As Lavellan saw them to the door, both Cullen and Solas stood and gave their goodbyes from the dinner table. It was quiet between them but Solas tried his best to keep his composure. He was dreadfully tired from the trip over and holding in his comments to the ill informed party guests. They knew nothing of Elvhen cultures yet they took it upon themselves to decide what was best for the neighboring clan's land. True, he thought the Dalish childish and too proud - perhaps a reflection in himself - but he liked the Orlesians even less.

"I do hope she refrains from inviting us to another one of these... parties." Cullen croaked out breaking the silence. He seemed more irritated than usual but Solas couldn't figure out if it was the lyrium withdrawal or his contempt for the nobles. 

He placed both his palms on the table suddenly and his knees went limp for a split second before he picked himself up again. 

"Something the matter?" Solas offered his hand to balance the knight but it only served to disgruntle him more.

"No... I'm fine. I'm just tired." He waved his hand dismissing the elf's offer.

There were a few more moments of uneasiness between the two before Cullen composed himself again. Luckily for him, Lavellan was just making her way back to the two.

"My! What a night! I have to say I don't think I'll ever get used to entertaining the Orlesians. Have to admire their strategical thinking and culture however I suppose." She gazed once more around the room, reveling in the enormity and grandeur of the place. 

"Let's call it a night and check back tomorrow morning. I'm rather tired and I have a feeling if we don't leave now - Josie will try to wrangle us into another social affair." 

She rubbed her forehead from side to side trying to relieve an invisible pain. Cullen, with bloodshot eyes, nodded solemnly and without another word quickly rushed out of the room. Solas was certain now... it was the lyrium. And he felt guilty. 

"Good -... night... Cullen..." Lavellan looked worried but tried her best to laugh it off as if trying to calm Solas.

"Ha! Must be that Antivan wine, I suppose?" 

Solas gave a weak smile back but his expression slowly turned morose and heartbroken as he stared at Lavellan. Her head was turned in the direction Cullen had left and she was unaware of his strong gaze. 

 _Foolish._ He thought to himself. 

 "I don't suppose... you'd care for a walk in the gardens?" He knew it was his voice that spoke those words, but it was almost as if his senses momentarily left his body and his desires took over. 

She snapped her head around to meet his eyes. 

"Y-yes! I would... I mean, I'd like that very much." 

The two left side by side one another to the east gardens away from the cocktail party in the courtyard. 

* * *

 

It was quiet at first. She could hear the rustling of leaves against their exposed feet. In her mind she thought about the things she could talk about to break the ice. But there was Dorian's resounding comment in her head that wouldn't cease. 

"Solas... I hope I'm not picking-"

"Pick away." He said as matter-of-factly. 

"Well, it's just that... I've never really received... Well not myself but..." She tried to compose her thoughts in her head. How would she go about this? Was it still even appropriate to ask given her budding relationship with the Commander?

Solas knew what she was getting to, but he played ignorance as he picked a flower from the tree that stood up against.

As she tried to sputter out more words, she couldn't help but admire his regality.

"Earlier... After Haven... When we met in the Fade... I suppose I know the answer but I just want the to be closure. And, well, given our interactions and our dear friendship -"

"Yes, I care deeply for you, lethallan." His piercing silver eyes held her dumbfounded stare. The two stood still for what seemed like an eternity. She could hear the wind chimes in the distance and voices of people in the neighboring plaza. In the distance, she focused on an exchange by a noble and his wife over imported goods. 

Solas could feel the wind pick up does slightly. A storm was in the midst. The moist air suckled at his exposed limbs. Or was it the sweat of his nerves getting the better of him?

"And I you, lethallin." It was all she could muster. And it was ambiguous enough to give her more time should he ask for more clarity.

But they both knew what they meant. 

* * *

 

Cullen cursed himself. It wasn't as if he didn't try. His very being pushed against his urges but something in him that evening broke. The look on his former lover's face. His reddened face and eyebrows held just barely upwards. The image plagued him. That passive look when he would push him against the book shelves as he nipped and suckled on his neck. His delicate hands gripping his thighs as he tried to fight against him... And then pull his body in when he'd submit. It was the only time in Cullen's life when he'd felt completely in control. 

But the picture of Lavellan in his mind also persisted. The first time he kissed her gentle and soft lips playfully. Her tiny hands as she pulled his face inwards to a delicate kiss. She was a portrait of an angel - a healer. When he was with her he felt cleansed - closer to tranquility than ever before. With her there was a future and children and a home. 

As if things aren't already tormenting him, the lyrium withdrawal was catching up. He felt his body melt into the slightly damp sheets. The humidity in the room was heavy and he thought to shut the window shutters but refrained when he felt a light gust of wind. 

He hadn't planned on it or even wanted it quite frankly, but the image of the two he desired left him aroused. He still hadn't bedded Lavellan and there was that extra tension between the two when they'd playfully tease one another.

The thought of Solas's lean form crept its way back into the forefront of his imagination. 

"Just one more time... Then I'll shut him out for good." He grabbed his cloak and walked out the door. 

 


	7. Like Before

"Don't play coy."

"I'm not. And I don't expect you to be alluding to something that shouldn't have happened."

"Shouldn't have happened? Am I a giant regret then? You felt nothing?"

"... I can't be sure. Regardless. She's yours now. You are each others. Do you not love the girl?"

Cullen drew in his breathe as though he'd been stung. The topic of Lavellan was off limits, they'd previously agreed on that. They were in their own world when they acted on their inner desires for one another. That was the reason they gave one another. 

Solas looked away and continued to fold the Inquisition's staff's clothes. A duty Josephine gave him to make his status as manservant more credible. She hadn't thought he would actually wash and fold them, but he had more time on his hands than he thought and after his conversation with Lavellan, he needed to distract himself. 

"She's the north star to my endless night. Do not use her against me." He growled fully knowing the hypocrisy in his statement. 

Solas stood silently trying to get a good look at the hallway behind them. They couldn't afford to get caught - not in such compromising circumstances. It was almost twilight and in the room of a servant elf. The connotations would be drawn swiftly in Orlais. 

"You should not be here." It was all that could be said by Solas.

"No. Not until I receive an answer from you. Do I mean nothing to you? Was I some sort of toy for you? Why did you follow me those nights months ago?" He was sounding desperate - almost beggingly.

The Commander looked heartbroken and love stricken all at the same time. He cornered the elf and sprawled his arms on both sides against the walls, blocking any way for Solas to escape.

Solas would be lying if he didn't find the position quite arousing. But he tried his best to keep his composure. He didn't believe in lying unless it was absolutely necessary and he certainly didn't want to lie to Cullen more than he'd already been. 

He raised his thin fingers to the taller man's face and pulled him in just barely before their lips touched.

"I care a great deal for you, Cullen. But we can no longer act upon our hidden desires. It is for the sake of whom we both love." 

The blonde man whimpered softly and slowly lowered his head in understanding. 

"I've done the unthinkable and fallen in love twice now." Whether he meant to say it aloud or not, the statement caught Solas off guard and he stepped away from him in bewilderment. 

"Love?" He sputtered out in confusion. The word felt foreign on his tongue. It tasted metallic - like blood. 

Cullen stroked the jawline of the smaller man and pulled him in closer. He raised his soft eyebrows and through his crooked smile he whispered, "Yes, love."

 Before Cullen could elaborate more, Solas dug his fingers into the back of the commander's head and drew him in completely into him. 

Reciprocated love. Love. Something he never thought could be said aloud towards him. He thought of Lavellan's muted confession earlier and how frustrated it left him. How he so desperately wanted to taste her tongue yet again. When he opened his eyes, he met golden eyes whispering their adoration for him. His body was lifted with such ease and dropped onto his bed mat. 

The Commander dropped his cloak and lifted his white blouse over his head, exposing his hardened chiseled abs. He leaned in forward and sank his lips into the elf's again as he untied his leather pants. All the while, Solas pushed his leggings off himself and unbuttoned his night shirt. It was a flurry of clothes being thrown fom one side of the room to another as they wrestled one another to the mat.

Solas was completely nude with one sole item on himself... The jawbone necklace. 

Cullen focused his attention on Solas's eyes, though. Nothing else intrigued him just as much as the attention his silver eyes gave him. They stared at each other slightly huffing from the rush that overcame them. 

Then Solas reached at Cullen's face and moved a lock of curls that came unfurled. Slowly, he tucked it into the rest of his mane. It began slow at first. Small kisses tracing each other's body - perhaps an analogy to how their budding relationship started. Cullen was more daring and moved faster towards Solas's mid section, leaving the elf to moan softly in response. He reached his length but did not hesitate to engulf it in his mouth the moment he got there. 

Solas bit the pillow to hush his pleasure. They could not afford to make a sound. He knew for sure the other elves were beginning to awaken to start their chores. As he continued to be suckled on, he could hear a soft voice on the other side of the door. It sounded as if it was coming down the hall. 

"Stop." He said abruptly as he leaned in to get a better listen. Cullen darted his head up and smirked. 

"Too much for you? Shall I go slower?" But before Solas could answer there was a knock on the other side of the door. 

The two jumped up from the bed hurriedly. The elf reached for the closest shirt and trousers he could find. And then again another light knock, this one much softer than before.

"Solas?"

"One moment, please." The blouse he picked didn't quite fit, so he unbuttoned it to look like a night outfit. As he caught his breathe he turned the knob. Cullen had already hidden himself next to the chest beside his bed.

"Good evening... Ah, Inquisitor. I...I did not expect you. At this hour..." Solas flushed red in embarrassment, rage, annoyance - every possible emotion in one. 

Lavellan raised her eyebrow and stepped back slightly. Through the cracked for behind Solas, she could see a figure beside his bed trying very poorly to be hidden. She examined Solas's attire. A light blouse, not something like Solas would ever wear even to bed. A twisting knot in her stomach made her feel lightheaded.

"I just..." She exhaled and shook her head with a light laugh. "I'm interrupting you. I'll leave you be... It's the morning by the way, Solas." 

He could not respond. He didn't even try. When he looked down he could see why she was in shock. He had love marks along his neck and abdomen and he wore Cullen's blouse. When he turned around, he realized that in the shuffle he knocked over the stack of clothes and mixed with his own. Cullen sat on his bed looking downwards. 

"You love her, don't you?"

They sat in silence briefly before Cullen gathered his things and walked out. 


	8. Being of Service

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that life got a hold of me but I'm really trying to revive this.

* * *

He slowly closed his eyes to the sounds of the chirping morning birds and the warm sunlight filtering in through the decorated window panes. Soft murmurs arose from the other side of the door. For a few moments, he thought to listen in on the conversations, but instead he shut his additional senses out and drifted into sleep.

Cullen didn't dream that morning. It was a pleasant change from his usual nightmares and he thought it might be his change in sleeping in the early morning as opposed to the dead of night. But that wasn't it.

He knew what it was.

He felt calm in the darkness of his sleep. It enveloped him as he rested. 

* * *

Solas watched him in the dark. It was not a dream - but simply the raw Fade. In truth, he himself, was unsure that taking Cullen to such a deep part of the abyss would be beneficial. The very action of transporting a human in his unconscious state so rapidly into the raw Fade could have driven him insane. 

But he knew he was stronger than most humans.

He had proven it to him by the very fact that he survived such atrocities and still retaining his youth and purity. 

Solas cocked his head to the side as he thought a little more about the idea of Cullen being "pure."

Perhaps not innocent - but there was still purity in him. Much like what he saw in the Inquisitor. 

_I wonder if she too had been human - would she retain that same purity? Or is Cullen such a rarity among his kind?_

And then, something... surprising happened.

Images and apparitions began to form around Cullen's unconscious body.

HE was forming them - without the help of Solas. 

The older elf floated towards Cullen's body and the rough images of what appeared to be a memory in a tower. He could see the rest of the Inquisition's main leaders talk among themselves getting ready for their first fight against Corypheus. 

Clearly not a lucid dream by any means but at the very least he was beginning to form other thoughts other than his nightmares. Solas looked around to see the apparitions reenact the defense of Haven. The sound of children screaming around him seemed to be more amplified than he remembered; a harrowing shriek of a woman trapped under a burning building and the sound of an infant wailing. As he looked around himself once more, he realized the setting had once again changed. A battle. Snow. 

He left him to his thoughts the moment he saw the smiling face of a blood soaked Lavellan after battle. The apparitions of both Solas and Lavellan appeared smiling at him warmly. The real Solas did not see this as he exited the Fade behind him. 

* * *

It had been a full week, yet Lavellan wasn't sure what she saw but if it had been what she thought, it's not like she should have felt anger. She was not bound to him and he not bound to her by any means. She wouldn't even consider themselves as especially affectionate friends. The more she thought about it, the more she thought it might have been an overreaction on her part. She sighed into her mug gently.

Still. She couldn't help but feel envious, pained, and disgusted all at once. She thought him to be a proper gentlemen and not one for chasing skirts of any sorts. Perhaps she was wrong about him, she thought to herself. Perhaps what she really wanted was for him to be what she already seemingly had with Cullen.

And then there was that.

Cullen, who ought to have been her first choice if she wanted a proper gentlemen, was distant. Even for all the warmth and conversation he provided her on a daily basis - even his overwhelming adoration for her - it all seemed to miss something genuine. It was as if he was guarding a secret that he hadn't let anyone know before. Varric had made a few implications from time to time. His previous history with Cullen left him with a soft spot for the Templar, but even still when questioned about Cullen's involvement with the Kirkwall disaster, he seemed to skim through details on their involvement. 

The thought lingered with her for the rest of the morning.

Lavellan meandered into the halls of Skyhold's basement for cooler air and peace of mind. In the afternoon, the summer's humidity and heat were too much to handle at times, let alone when one was already burning with frustration.

"Wise minds we both must have." 

His voice was barely above a whisper and yet he knew she could clearly hear him from down the hall. As she turned to face him, he crept out of the dark corner he'd been leaning against.

"It is rather..." Solas's eyes glinted slightly.

"...feverish today."

_Is he trying to perplex me even further? Can't I have a few minutes alone? Or is he here on business... on a new mission... on a new update..._

The more Lavellan thought about his reasoning for following her the more she outwardly presented her annoyance.

"Don't you have guests to entertain?" Petty. It was certainly petty. But she was hurt and she thought she could work pass it. She huffed, fully knowing it was wrong of her to say.

"Lavellan... what you saw that night... It's not - what you think." Solas stammered. How was he going to explain himself? And did he even need to? He was seeing someone else. That was not a lie. It was just complicated. 

"I'm sorry, Solas... it was none of my business. There's nothing wrong with what you are or aren't doing. I am in the wrong here. Please forgive me." She bowed and then quickly rushed pass him. By the time she reached her room, she realized her face was stained with streaks of tears. She slammed the door behind her and made her way to her desk. There were more important matters at hand. More important than matters of the heart. It was not fair to feel this way. She was with Cullen... or... was she? They had never explicitly said they were for one another. Though she had thought he made it clear. Yet even in this last week, he had also become distant. At this point she was wondering if there was something wrong with her. 

* * *

He rushed back to the rotunda, infuriated at himself for letting this occur. For letting his vulnerabilities lead him to this predicament. All he had ever wanted in life for himself was to be loved. To be not be alone. Even as a young foolish "God" he had chased women and men for frivolous reasons. For enjoyment rather than kinship. But now he was finding himself in love with the woman who would save the world - most likely from himself... and a man who represented why he wanted the rule of Elvhen to arise once more. He cleaned his brushes angrily. What would Mythal say to him if she were here right now?

_Do not let your heart to get in the way of your goals, Fen'Harel._

He thought for a few more seconds. The ride back had been silent. Neither Cullen nor Lavellan wanted anything to do with him. And the two weren't speaking to one another either. He wondered if Cullen had broke it off between them. Everyone was angry. And it was Solas's fault, he thought.

Before their next mission, Solas thought to take a walk that twilight. He walked pass the guards from the main entrance and told them he would be looking for herbs for the next assignment. They nodded, unconcerned with whatever Solas was really up to. The garden just outside the bridge was beginning to die. Though summer was almost over, it would be a long while before the cold would settle in. The horseman protecting the gates nodded in his direction. Solas walked onward. He needed to be away from faces. His only friends and counsel-men were those in the Fade, and they could be only reached in solitude at this hour. 

When he reached the stream he began to undress. A quick swim before a morning nap would soothe his worries. He threw his sweater above his head and exhaled as he looked up at the emerald leaflets above. They looked like a green mosaic as the light from the sun pierces through them. Just as he was beginning to unhook his leggings, he hear rustling behind him.

Wearing nothing but a loose blouse and riding pants, Cullen emerged from the trail behind him. He had ridden to the stream on horseback and his Ferelden bred horse attended the neighboring field. 

"I'm sorry I had to find you this way. But I could not risk being seen talking to you back home." 

"Do you spend your hours stalking my sleep then, Cullen?"

"You know I don't sleep." He said solemnly. Cullen pick up a branch on the ground and fiddled with the leaves. "Perhaps you can give me some advice, Solas."

Solas wasn't annoyed at his question. Or his presence there. Though he ought to have been. His honest feelings were that he was relived Cullen had shown up. He was even excited at the thought. The man had a way of making him feel drunk with arousal. 

"I'd be happy to give you anything you want, Commander."

"Is it so wrong... to feel more than just passion?" Cullen whimpered behind him. It was a gut wrenching feeling and as soon as he said it, the instant regret washed over him. "I - should go... I'm terribly sorry for wasting your time." He began to retreat slowly with his fingers still intertwined with the branch.  

"It is a lovely thing." The stoic elf gently sat his lithe body onto the stump beside them. His eyes still fixed on the disheveled young man. His face... expressionless. But Cullen didn't need to read his emotions because as soon as those words left the elf's mouth he rushed up to him. 

"Then is it so wrong to share that feeling with... the both of you?" 

Silence.

Solas looked away not saying anything. His heart throbbed into his chest more so than it ever had. It was bad enough he was head over heels in love with Lavellan - his sweet vhenan - he could not risk hurting her should she ever find out about whatever  _this_ was. And still there was his concern for the Templar himself. Had he led him on too far?

"It would be dishonest of me to say that I do not share mutual feelings - but I will not have it interfere with our goal. Defeating Corypheus remains our foremost priority and we cannot get entangled in emotions at this time." He was stern but not unsympathetic. 

"Tell me you love me then." Cullen said selfishly. 

"What? I... I've already said... this is foolish to be..."

"We love her both, but it is not wrong to also love each other. Now if you truly do love me, please say it." He grabbed Solas's face with his burly hands. Solas stared back at him blankly. He did. But he couldn't tell him that. No. It would be better to break off engagements to both of Lavellan and Cullen. They would run to each other for comfort and develop as true couple. But the Wolf pleaded with him internally. It, too, wanted love.

"Yes." Was all he could muster out.

Cullen attacked his lips and made his way to his midsection rapidly. Solas didn't stop him. He didn't fight anything internally either. He gave in to his desires, it wasn't the first time it happened and it wouldn't be the last. They grasped each other and just as Cullen was about to enter him once more, Solas smirked devilishly and pushed him off. 

"No." He said playfully. He then twisted the Commander around, the power of which surprised Cullen. He forced his back over and twisted his fingers around his curls. "It's my turn now, Commander." Cullen had never been on the receiving end, though there were several times during their sessions when Solas would take command even from the bottom. He didn't mind though, he would do anything for his love. He let out a moan as Solas entered him. The blonde Templar reached for his length, but Solas knocked it away. 

"I'm going to make you reach your height, without the use of your hands, Commander. Take this as a new lesson between the two of us." It was true. Cullen was completely erect without even touching it. He felt anew.

Their tussling lasted the entire morning. The two screamed in unison in climax as the sounds of gallops approached them. 


End file.
